Monday 20 January 2014

The Main Types of Submission in BDSM: Submissive, Slave and Pet


slave VS sub

In the BDSM lifestyle there are largely three different types of submissives, and when speaking to them, they will tell you with pride which they are and why. I will give you here some description of those types but before I do so I would like to make clear something regarding my BDSM World. Most will say a slave in comparison to a sub is mostly a female without opinion, she is only to do as her Master desires and in some cases without limits. I argue there is anyone without opinion, desires and much more I do not accept any reference to NO limits. In my way of thinking, limits are always present and even more, a Master’s limits are actually defined by His slave/sub limits but this is a concept I will analyse in some other post of mine. Keep in mind that though i usually like to mention my girl as a slave I am well aware that a slave goes with a Master when a sub goes with a Dom.

I provide you with two different copies that i find really interesting and in () i include my own personal comments

Submissive (sub) –  As a sub you submit to your Dom, you give up control for long periods of time. However you have your opinions and your choices and you can still make them. Say you do the dishes and pay the bills, these things usually are still under your control. It changes only during set times and parameters. There is also the thought of the “power balance” between dominant and submissive. Meaning that in a submissive role although you give up the control the power is really still 50/50 just in a different setting and under more intense circumstances. Sex is usually a large part of this relationship and mostly where the submission enters in. Now don’t get me wrong the intensity is still strong and the punishments and pain are real and overwhelming however you have more of an option to stop and this doesn’t spill over into the everyday that much.

Slave – As a slave control is given up completely. The power balance is completely tipped in the Dominants direction. However keep in mind this is a choice the slave makes not something she/he was made to do. Slaves usually are slaves 24/7 (as I explained personally I do not believe there is part-time or 24/7. Those in BDSM lifestyle are always part of this as it is a way of life, a way of philosophy and not something we take a break out of it. Of course, if one anticipates BDSM as it appears on porn movies, then is hard to understand what i am talking about). They may work but when they get home there is no distinction from normal day to a BDSM day, that person is always a slave from the day they ask for that. As a slave sex is still very real and alive however not always the goal and not needed for the Dominant and slave to be in that persona. As a slave the lifestyle is usually (I disagree on that “usually” and i would say the word might fit better) more intense in pain, humiliation and just pure pleasure (It is always about pleasure. Even when it does not involve any sexual act pleasure to serve and pleasure to control is there. I would say instead that in a Master/slave relationship is easier to explore the darker desires of our soul. Talk, accept, admit, explore and find out more about fetishes and needs that usually most people are afraid to even speak off) . Something to remember however is that as a slave this does not mean if the Dominant asks you to break the law or hurt yourself that you should obey on a whim. If a Dominant is asking you to do things that are against the law or against your moral values than he or she is not a true dominant. (additionally how far the Master will go, how much He will push his slave’s limits and what practices He will use are pre-discussed, agreed and in event no matter how confident the slave is a safe word should be agreed for any situation the slave would like to stop what is going on. The more a Master and a slave are honest and open with each other the better it is to understand each others needs and what should they do at time. Honesty, communication and trust are essential and clearly time in order to progress and enjoy more such a relationship).

(This last one is something should not be practised by the unexperienced, never for long periods of time and it has nothing to do with puppy play or other similar sexual fetishes.)

Pet – This hasn’t always been a classification of a submissive person and is still controversial in some circles. A pet is more on the side of a slave except for one large difference, sex does not have to be involved. In many cases it is not. If you have become a pet it is to give up yourself and obey, you gain pleasure from the control and the obeying not from sexual play. There can be play but it is rare in this kind of lifestyle. This submission is one of the most dangerous because you can lose yourself mentally because you so rarely have thoughts of your own, you usually do not work and although you may discuss things with your Dominant he is last say in all things.

Ultimately the deeper you go into submission the stronger you have to be which of course is peculiar since you have to give up more of your control with each level. But you have to be very sure of yourself to give up every ounce of control and thought. Taking each step is serious and should never be taken light by the Dominant and submissive, especially if you want to remain safe, sane, and consensual.

Another comparison (from the blog of the Dungeon Master)  between a slave and a submissive is the following

slave (BDSM) — is a term often used in BDSM to connote a specific form of submissive. A sexual roleplay or consensual slave could also be a masochist or bottom, but this is not always the case. Connotatively it refers to highly committed domination and submission (commonly abbreviated as D/s) relationships, as a person who has surrendered their personal property and freedoms to another, who has become the property or chattel of their owner(s). This term is widely used, as it has a certain self-affirming weight. Some practitioners feel the difference between submissive and slave is the degree of submission. However, many who are involved in Master/slave relationships see the difference as one in kind, not in degree. In particular, some slaves do not have a naturally submissive personality, but simply choose to surrender their will and volition to another (The are more than a few of examples of individuals who are in a decision maker position at their professional life but once they get back home they just put on their collar and surrender their will)

It should be noted that the Owner/slave relationship is entered into on a strictly consensual basis, without the legal force of historical or modern non-consensual slavery. It is also worth mentioning that the laws of all countries (for example the Thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution) strictly forbid the practice of slavery.

Various forms of symbolism are sometimes used to affirm the Owner/slave relationship, such as wearing the owner’s collar, being registered in a slave register, adopting (sometimes legally changing to) a name chosen by the owner, or engaging in a public declaration or ritualized ceremony of some type. Some people draw up a slave contract that defines the relationship in explicit detail, but these have no legal weight and are therefore not intended to be used in any court of law.

In some traditional rituals, after signing a slave contract, many people celebrate the commitment to the relationship with a collaring ceremony, which can be simple or elaborate and friends are usually invited. The slave then wears a collar, which symbolizes their status. The collar may be an actual piece of neckwear, or may be a bracelet or other piece of jewellery that symbolizes their slavery. These collars are generally never removed unless or until the relationship is dissolved, although some slaves exchange a formal collar for a more subdued (or less obtrusive) one in work and vanilla situations.

There is considerable debate over the exact definition of the word “slave” as it pertains to BDSM. Many people believe that you are a slave if you consider yourself one, whilst others believe one must be in the emotional state of Total Power Exchange or Internal Enslavement for the term to apply.

There are differences of opinion about whether one needs to be currently owned to be identified as a slave. Many in the Master/slave community do not feel that ownership is a requirement.

submission/submissive (BDSM) — (also known as D&s, Ds or D/s) is a set of behaviours, customs and rituals relating to the giving and accepting of dominance of one individual over another in an erotic or lifestyle context. D/s is often referred to as the “mental” side of BDSM. Physical contact is not a necessity, and can even be conducted anonymously over telephone, email or (more recently) instant messaging services. In other cases it can be intensely physical, sometimes traversing into sadomasochism. In D/s, one takes pleasure or erotic enjoyment out of either dominating or being dominated. Those who take the superior position are called Dominants, Doms (male) or Dommes (female), while those who take the subordinate position are called subs or submissives (male or female). 

A switch is an individual who plays in either role (I would accept the term switch only for those who see BDSM as a sexual play not a real lifestyle. As explained before in my opinion there are no switches as sooner or later the one side will prevail over the other). Two switches together may negotiate and exchange roles several times in a session. Submissives generally outnumber Dominants, with male subs outnumbering Dommes by the widest margin, often three to one or more. “Dominatrix” is a term usually reserved for a female professional dominant who dominates others for pay.

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